Consent
What does it take for consent? How can you be sure that the other person wants what you are doing and why many adults still have a lot to learn.
Yes means yes. No means no. Maybe does not mean yes.
Consent means agreement, or mutual consent. It's the only rule that always and everywhere applies when it comes to sexSex is an intimate activity between two or more people who share physical closeness. Sex can be practiced in different ways, depending on the preferences and desires of the people involved. The only rule that always applies: sex without mut...! All persons involved must agree to a sexual act.
1. consent works best verbally, but also works with body language.
Some people think you shouldn't talk too much during sex, but just fuckIs a colloquial rather vulgar term and means sexual intercourse, having sex. It can be offensive for some people to talk about fucking when sex is meant. wildly. Unfortunately, what often comes across as very erotic and sexySexy is the feeling when you feel attractive and confident as a person. It doesn't just mean that you look a certain way, but above all how you see yourself and how you behave towards others. Sexy is a strong expression of a person's energy... in movies often leads to someone crossing the line or something feeling totally stupid in reality.
Sex is like eating pizza. Some people like pineapple on their pizza, many don't. But you can't tell by looking at a person. They may even have a pineapple allergy. You shouldn't wait until you shove a pineapple down the person's throat to find outOuting, outing: To out someone is to disclose a person's gender identity and/or sexual orientation to another person or group against his/her will..
You should also talk to each other about what you like and what you don't like. Of course, this also works with body language. If someone turns away, becomes very quiet and seems absent, then this is certainly not a good sign. But maybe it's already too late and you've just (unintentionally) crossed a line. The beauty of sex is that we are very close to each other. But this closeness also makes us very vulnerable. You never know what a person has already experienced in the past. Touches that seem "harmless" to you can trigger an unpleasant memory in the other person. This is called a trigger.
Talking about what you and the other person like can also be very sexy and, above all, sex is usually much better if you tell each other where and how you like to be touched and what else you like.
There are great lists on the internet for this, such as this one from queerQueer is a term used to give visibility and recognition to those who are not only heterosexual. It is a multiplicity of identities, lifestyles, behaviors, interests and orientations that are all of equal value.*topia. Going through them with someone you have sex with can be very erotic and also broaden your horizons:
2. consent can be withdrawn at any time.
Whoever says A doesn't have to say B. And you can always (!) change your mind and withdraw your A. This may be annoying, but it is very important. For example, many people think that going home with someone after going out means you have to have sex. That's not true. You alone decide what you feel like doing.
Consent is like drinking tea 😉
3. if there is no consent and someone continues or starts anyway, this is sexual violence.
The Swiss Criminal Code defines rape exclusively as when "a person of the female sex is forced to have sexual intercourse". Currently (as of February 23), the so-called resistance solution applies.
A person (female) must actively resist a sexual act for it to be considered rapeRape is a particularly serious form of sexual assault that involves involuntary sexual intercourse. Rape is a very serious criminal offense. Anyone who has been sexually abused or raped can seek help from specialist centres (see links) or t... in court. Firstly, this is difficult and secondly, there are also people who freeze in a dangerous situation and simply do or say nothing. That is why Parliament is currently discussing how this can be better resolved. The unnecessary distinction between the genderIn English, there is a difference between 'sex', the biological sex, and 'gender', the social sex. Gender is a term that describes how a society associates certain characteristics and behaviors with men and women. Sometimes there are certai... of the victim and the type of sexual assaultYou decide what is assaultive for you. The word assault is not found in the Swiss Criminal Code. (see sexual harassment). An assault does not necessarily have to take place through touching. The way someone stares at you, makes gestures or ... should also no longer exist in future.
Regardless of how the courts judge it, sex without consent is not sex but violence. You are not to blame if this happens to you! No matter what you wear. No matter what signals you are supposedly sending. You are not to blame. Get advice from a Specialist centre, for example a recognized victim support centre in your area.
You can find a list of these Specialist centres here.
4. listen to your inner traffic light: green=go, orange=wait, red=stop
Your inner traffic light is your guide. Listen to it and always make sure you know where the other person's inner traffic light is. The safest way to do this is to ask verbally: Do you like this? Does it feel good? Do you (still) feel like it? Would you rather do something else? Should I carry on?
However, you can usually also tell from the other person's body language where the internal traffic light is currently at. If the person turns towards you, is active, makes pleasurable noises and their body posture is inviting and says "I want more of this", then you can assume that the inner traffic light is green. If the person is rather tense, looks away from you, seems absent or even makes a pained face, then the traffic light is almost certainly red or at least orange. Always ask if you are unsure.
Orange can be a confusing feeling. Give this feeling space too. Give yourself some time to figure out which way the feeling is moving or what you need to switch clearly back to green. Give yourself a short break. For example, you could go to the toilet. This will give you a time-out on your own. Or discuss your feelings openly with the other person. Feelings don't always have to be clear. A cool person will understand this and won't react in an annoyed way. If they do, the case is clear. Show the red card and end the situation...
5 Consent also includes knowing about possible STIs.
Getting infectedHaving an infection or being infected means that you have contracted a pathogen. This can be a flu, herpes or HI virus, for example. with an STISTI is the abbreviation for "sexually transmitted infections". Sometimes only the abbreviation STI is used in specialist circles or in brochures. (sexually transmitted infectionHaving an infection or being infected means that you have contracted a pathogen. This can be a flu, herpes or HI virus, for example.) is not cool. It's even less cool to infectHaving an infection or being infected means that you have contracted a pathogen. This can be a flu, herpes or HI virus, for example. someone else. It can be quite unpleasant if you have to inform the person afterwards that you may have infected them.
If you know that you have an STI and you hide it from the other person and don't use suitable protective measures such as a condomAuch Präservativ genannt. Ein Kondom ist eine schlauchförmige Gummihülle, die über den Penis gestreift wird, um während des Geschlechtsverkehrs eine Barriere zu bilden und so eine Schwangerschaft und/oder die Übertragung von sexuell ..., this can even be considered assault. This makes you liable to prosecution.
Either way, I should know what I'm getting into. I can only consent if I know. So get tested regularly and let people you have sex with know when you were last tested and what risks you've taken since then.
6 Sometimes so-called consent accidents happen, which are not intentional, but can still be very hurtful (just like a car accident).
It can (unfortunately) happen that a boundary is crossed unintentionally. Something was well-intentioned. But it was not well received by the other person. Then you can speak of a consent accident. Consent accidents happen during an interaction that is actually desired. So you want to cuddle or have sex together, but a certain touch or position, for example, goes too far for the other person or reminds them of something bad.
Consent accidents can have various causes. Signals were overlooked or misinterpreted. Maybe it wasn't asked at all. Maybe it was a misunderstanding.
The big difference with sexual violence is:
- It was unintentional.
- The person is open to learning from
- It will not happen again
The consent accident is not a free pass for boundary violations! It's not about just saying "Oops, I didn't mean to do that." But it's also important to accept that people sometimes make mistakes and that accidents happen. Asking questions, talking together, being clear-headed and present help to avoid accidents. watch the video about the consent accident from "imagining desires":
There are a few mnemonics that can help you better understand and memorize consent:
No coercion, only voluntary! Consent is a decision made without pressure, manipulation or under the influence of drugs or alcohol.
Indefinite, changeable, reversible, renewable! Anyone can change their mind at any time. Even if they've already kissedA kiss is a form of physical intimacy in which two people press their lips together to express feelings such as affection, passion or friendship. There are different types of kisses such as the hand kiss, cheek kiss, French kiss and so on. ... once and even if they're both making out, if one person doesn't want to anymore, they can stop at any time
Speak; You can only consent to something if you know the whole story. For example, if someone says it will just be a simple kissA kiss is a form of physical intimacy in which two people press their lips together to express feelings such as affection, passion or friendship. There are different types of kisses such as the hand kiss, cheek kiss, French kiss and so on. ... on the lips and then doesn't follow through because the person suddenly kissesA kiss is a form of physical intimacy in which two people press their lips together to express feelings such as affection, passion or friendship. There are different types of kisses such as the hand kiss, cheek kiss, French kiss and so on. ... you with tongue, there is no full consent.
Crushes and individuality; When it comes to kissingA kiss is a form of physical intimacy in which two people press their lips together to express feelings such as affection, passion or friendship. There are different types of kisses such as the hand kiss, cheek kiss, French kiss and so on. ..., cuddling, chatting or sex, you should only do things you want to do and not things you think you should do. You have to pay attention to your inner feelings and saying yes to one thing (like going into the bedroom to make outA French kiss is a type of kiss in which the tongues of the people involved touch and move into each other's mouths. It is an intimate and passionate way of kissing another person. It is one of the most beautiful ways of getting close to so...) doesn't mean you've said yes to other things (like oral sexOral sex or oral intercourse is a sexual activity in which the aim is to give each other sexual pleasure by stimulating erogenous zones with the mouth (and throat area). This includes stimulation with the tongue, mouth and lips. See also cu...).
or
F-R-E-I-E-S YES
F: Voluntary
Of your own free will. Consent is a decision you make without pressure, manipulation or threat of force.
R: Reversible
Reversible. You can change your mind about what you want to do at any time. Even "in the middle" or just before.
E: Honest
Above all, you should be honest with yourself. Listen carefully to your inner traffic light.
I: Informed
You can only consent to something if you know the whole story. This includes topics such as STIs (sexually transmitted infectionsThere are some infections that you can only or mainly contract if you have sex with someone who is infected with them. These can be bacteria, viruses, fungi or parasites. Not all STIs can be transmitted in the same way. Take a look at our o...), contraceptionDamit ist die Verhinderung, resp. Verhütung einer Schwangerschaft gemeint. Dazu stehen viele verschiedene Methoden und Verhütungsmittel zu Verfügung. Die meisten stehen aber leider nur Menschen zur Verfügung, die auch schwanger werden k... and relationshipA relationship is a deep, close connection between two or more people. Relationships can be romantic, platonic, sexual or familial and can take various forms, such as couple relationships, friendships or parent-child relationships. Maintain... status.
E: Consenting
A person who is asleep, unconscious, under the influence of drugs or alcohol, or otherwise unable to "consent" cannot consent to sex.
S: Specific.
Saying yes to one thing (e.g. making out) doesn't mean you're saying yes to other things (e.g. sex).
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