Jump to main content
Question submitted for topics Pregnancy, Sexuality

Since the birth, my partner wants much less sex.

Hello

I am 32 years old and have been happily married for 6 years. We have three children...
My problem is that my wife has only wanted to have sex with me once a month since the birth of our third child. That's not enough for me. If it were up to me, we could have sex every day. 2-3 times a week would also be OK.

What can I do or do? Please help me!

Question submitted on 14. March 2019 by Rodrigo

Corinne Rietmann says

Deine Sexpertin von GummiLove

Dear Rodrigo

You are addressing a situation that occurs in many couples after the birth of children. It is important to talk about it, as you are doing right now.

A woman has not only experienced a lot of changes physically, but also hormonally. In addition, the love for the children is often enormous. Everyday life is no longer just 8 working hours, but up to 24 hours, which can be very tiring. It's not always easy to switch from mother mode to couple and sex mode.

But that doesn't mean that she doesn't care about you or that she no longer has any desire for you. It's great that you desire your wife so much and that you naturally want to be intimate with her. It's also completely understandable that you have needs. You can be a help to your wife by trying to give her the time to engage in physical closeness. Give her a back or foot massage, take a bath together, bring her flowers, hold her in your arms, kiss her, look deep into her eyes, show her how much she means to you and how beautiful she is to you, let her sleep in on Sunday and make breakfast. Don't just do these things to have sex, but in everyday life so that she feels valuable.

I realize that with three children there is certainly not much time, but often the little guests do so much more than you think. It's important that you don't put her under pressure, because sexuality becomes a must for her and it should be something passionate and beautiful. Talk to her about your needs and show her that you have them because she is still so sexy to you.

For some women, however, it is also hormonal that they no longer feel any desire after giving birth. If this is the case for your wife and she is suffering from this, it makes sense to talk to a gynecologist about it. There are also many specialist centres in Switzerland that offer couples counseling on how to find a fulfilling sexuality again after the birth of children.

It is very commendable to take care of this and to seek help. You can find the specialist centres here.

Submit a question

Do you also have a question?

Do you have a question about bodies & feelings, love & sexuality, contraception & STIs or consent & rights?

Send us your question. The GummiLove team will answer it for you.